.:.

Ga Terug   Airwork > Algemeen > Crewroom

Antwoord
 
Onderwerpopties Weergavemodus
Oud 13-08-2007, 14:05   #1
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
Het Grote Moppen Topic

In navolging van Pprune leek het mij ook leuk om hier eens wat moppen te posten. Het hoeven niet per se moppen te zijn, als het maar grappig is.

Bij deze:



The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in
the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

He gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you",
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that: since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh
my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


En nog een leuk log van een IRC chatsessie:


<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 16:41   #3
Exit
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Waarom vrouwen porno-films altijd helemaal afkijken?
Omdat ze denken dat er aan het einde een bruiloft komt...
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 19:22   #4
Addy
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Addy's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2005
Locatie: Brabant
Berichten: 252
Brevet: fATPL
Typeratings: B737, F70/100; A320
Uren: Genoeg
komt een vrouw bij de kassa en betaalt met honderd euro zegt de kassiere dat is vals geld mevrouw shit zegt die vrouw dan ben ik verkracht
Addy is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 21:08   #5
plane driver
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2006
Locatie: niet vrijgegeven
Berichten: 125
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: CRJ 100/200/700/900, MD-11
Uren: >3000
Om even over het topic vrouwen door te gaan:

Wat is er aan de hand als er een vrouw in de woonkamer komt?
Ketting te lang.
plane driver is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 21:11   #6
plane driver
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2006
Locatie: niet vrijgegeven
Berichten: 125
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: CRJ 100/200/700/900, MD-11
Uren: >3000
Wat is het verschil tussen een alcoholist en een nymfomane?
Een cockpitdeur.

Waarom zijn Jack Daniels flessen niet rond?
Voorkomt dat ze naar achter rollen tijdens take off.

En voor de kenners onder ons:P
waarom heeft de Avro zoveel bird hits?
Er vliegen zoveel vogels van achter in de motoren

Laatst aangepast door plane driver : 13-08-2007 om 21:19 Reden: geen vak nederlands gehad bij mijn vliegopleiding
plane driver is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 22:21   #7
Putty
Proceeding at own discretion
 
 
Putty's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: RTM 175rad 25,6nm
Berichten: 662
Brevet: cpl
Typeratings: SEP+C208(B)
Uren: 700links350rechts300achterin
Basje komt thuis van zijn eerste schooldag in groep 4. Mamma vraagt hij: "wat heb jij, als je hier ballen hebt?" En hij wijst met z'n vingertje naar zijn rechter-knie. "Wat, uh, ik zou het niet weten." zegt mamma, terwijl ze limonade inschenkt.
"EŽn klote knie" zegt Basje "En wat heb jij als je daar ballen hebt?" wijzend naar zijn linker-elleboog. "Nou?" vraagt mamma fronzend over zoon's taalgebruik. "Een klote arm" zegt het knaapje grijnzend. "En, wat heb je als hier ballen hebt?" vraagt hij terwijl hij zijn wijsvingertje op moeder's kin legt. "Een klote kin" antwoordt moeder ge-irriteerd. "Nee" krijst Basje gierend "dan heb je een lul in je mond!
Putty is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 22:33   #8
Putty
Proceeding at own discretion
 
 
Putty's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: RTM 175rad 25,6nm
Berichten: 662
Brevet: cpl
Typeratings: SEP+C208(B)
Uren: 700links350rechts300achterin
Een B747 van SIA vertrekt op tijd van EBBR. Het toestel is net Ierland gepasseerd en de restanten van de eerste snacks worden opgeruimd, als de captain over de intercom mededeelt, dat de vlucht een halfuur langer gaat duren omdat de rechter buiten motor wegens een storing is afgeschakeld.
Een uurtje later, op eenderde van de hoofdfilm spreekt de captain wederom over de intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, de linker buitenmotor is eveneens buiten werking gesteld, wegens storing. We verwachten nu met een vertraging van twee uur aan te komen op JFK."
Het gemor van de pax is nog niet verstomd, of de captain meldt dat de vetraging op zal lopen tot 4 uur, omdat ze nu nog maar op een motor vliegen.
Sjefke wordt boos, staat op, en roept gefrustreerd over het gangpad "Non*ju, laten we hopen, dat dieje loatste motor nie uitvalt, anders blijven we vliegen!"
Putty is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 22:46   #9
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off
ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.
BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your plane if flying costs keep going up
CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel exhaustion.
"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centers.
CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.
CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.
DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.
ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.
GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.
GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
Holding pattern: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.
RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.
WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 13-08-2007, 23:01   #10
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
GLOSSARY OF PILOT TERMS
A & P Rating Enables you to fly grocery supplies.
Aero That portion of the atmosphere that lies over Great Britain.
Aerodrome British word for airport. Exactly what you'd expect from a country that gives its airplanes names like Gypsy Moth, Slingsby Dart, and Fairey Battle Bomber.
Aileron A hinged control surface on the wing that scares the hell out of airline passengers when it moves.
Airfoils Swords used for dueling in flight.
Airplane The infernal machine invented by two bicycle mechanics from Dayton, Ohio and perfected on the sands of the Outer Banks of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Precursor of the Frisbee.
Airspeed 1. True airspeed plus 20% when talking with other pilots. 2. Measured in furlongs-per-fortnight in student aircraft.
Airstrip In-flight performance by exotic female flight attendant.
Air Traffic Control Center A drafty, ill-kept, barn-like structure in which people congregate for dubious reasons.
Alternate Airport The airport that no aircraft has sufficient fuel to proceed to if necessary.
Avgas Fuel the FAA wants pilots to use in their general aviation aircraft, can also be found in some turbine equipped aircraft (See also Lazy 8)

Barrel Roll Unloading the beer for a hangar party.
Captain Pilot who mostly flies from the left seat. Is responsible for all the mistakes made by the co-pilot (See also co-pilot)

Carburetor Ice Phrase used when reporting a forced landing caused by running out of fuel.
Carburetor Icing Usually vanilla.
Chock 1. Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by Mexican pilots. 2. Piece of wood the lineboy slips in front of wheel while pilot is not looking.
Cockpit 1. A confined space in which two chickens fight each other, especially when they can't find the airport in a rainstorm. 2. Area in which the pilot sits while attempting to figure out where he is.
Collision Unplanned contact between one aircraft and another. As a rule, collisions that result in the creation of several smaller and less airworthy aircraft from the original two are thought to be the most serious.
Control Tower Secure place where all sick and perverted mass-murderers are kept.
Co-pilot Pilot who mostly sits in the right seat and is blamed for all the mistakes the captain makes (See also captain)
Cuban 8 A family of political refugees in Miami.

De-icer The person that puts de ice on the wing.
Dive Pilots' lounge or airport cafe.
Drag Chute Emergency escape slide near pilot's window. Opens automatically if male copilot shows up in women's clothes.

Fast Describes the speed of any high-performance aircraft. Lower-performance and training aircraft are described as "half-fast."
Final Approach 1. Last pass a pilot makes at the opposite sex before giving up. 2. Many a seasoned pilot's last landing. 3. Many a student pilot's first landing.
Flashlight Tubular metal container kept in flight bag for storing dead batteries.
Flight Instructor Individual of dubious reputation, paid vast sums of money to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots.
Flight Plan Scheme to get away from home to go flying.

Glider Formerly "airplane," prior to running out of fuel.
Gross Weight A 350-pound pilot (also see Split S). 2. Maximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, and the groceries.

Hangar Home for anything that flies, mostly birds.
Heated Air Mass Usually found near hangar, flight lounge, airport cafe, or attractive, non-flying members of the opposite sex.

Induced Drag When a male copilot is forced to put on women's clothes against his will.
Jet-assisted Takeoff A rapid takeoff procedure used by a general aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly in front of a departing 747.
Junkers 52 A collection of elderly airplanes that even the FAA can't make airworthy.

Lazy 8 1. Well-known fly-in resort ranch. 2. The airport operator, his four mechanics, and three lineboys.
Log A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record lies.

Magneto 1. Spanish for, "What a cool-looking magnet!" 2. Not-very-famous Italian vaudeville magician, "The Great Magneto."
Mode Term used by pilots in the Lafayette Escadrille during W.W.I to describe what they had to land in during rainy weather.
Motor A word used by Englishmen and student pilots when referring to an aircraft engine. (also see "Aerodrome")

National Airport Inordinately congested airport in Washington, D.C. whose Potomac River approach was used by Korean War pilots practicing to bomb the bridges at Toko-Ri.
Navigation The process by which a pilot finds his way from point A to point B while actually trying to get to point C.

Oshkosh A town in Wisconsin that is the site of the annual Experimental Aircraft Association fly-in. It is believed to have been named after the sound that most experimental aircraft engines make.

Pilot A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman.
Pilot Flying Pilot who needs to figure out how to get from A to B (See also Navigation and Pilot Non Flying)
Pilot Non Flying Pilot who gets to read the newspaper during flight (See also Pilot Flying)
Pitot Tube On long flights, something into which the pilot can pitot.
Push-to-talk Button that gets stuck when discussing intimate details

Radar An extremely realistic type of video game, often found at airports. Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one side of the screen to the other without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest collisions wins.
Ramp Agent Person who books artists for the upcoming airshow.
Roger The most popular name in radio.
Rudder Control surface used after the third or fourth lesson.

S-turn Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B.
Simulator Very expensive moving sauna.
Split S What happens to the pants of overweight pilots (also see "Gross Weight").

Trim Tab 1. A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot. 2. Popular diet beverage for fat pilots (also see "Gross Weight"). 3. A soft drink popular among female pilots who like to wear skintight red jumpsuits.

Vacuum According smart passengers, this causes lift.
Vortex Generators Little expensive things most commonly found on the wing, no pilot is able to tell you what it does, just looks cool.

Wind Screen Display for two-dimensional insects, preferable in bright colors.
Winglet Place for airlines to advertise their logo.
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 14-08-2007, 00:03   #11
imo apita
383 Strokah Rolah Motah
 
 
imo apita's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2005
Locatie: USA
Berichten: 923
Brevet: FAA CPL IR ME
Typeratings: Bijna......
Uren: >9000 TT
Wat is het verschil tussen een Piloot en een alcoholist?
een alcoholist gaat naar AA-meetings.........
imo apita is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 14-08-2007, 01:00   #12
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Is het echt zo erg met piloten en alcohol?

Hmm, dit was een serieuze vraag, maar klinkt als: zijn blondjes echt zo dom?

PS. Als het echt zo is, dan wordt ik vast een goede Piloot
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 14-08-2007, 09:25   #13
ojjo29
Heeft een vliegende baan!
 
 
ojjo29's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 791
Brevet: CPL ME-IR
Typeratings: ATR 42/72, CL65
Uren: 1800
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Pirke Bekijk Bericht
Als het echt zo is, dan wordt ik vast een goede piloot
Chuck, is that you?
ojjo29 is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 14-08-2007, 12:54   #14
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door ojjo29 Bekijk Bericht
Chuck, is that you?
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 14-08-2007, 22:35   #15
Addy
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Addy's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2005
Locatie: Brabant
Berichten: 252
Brevet: fATPL
Typeratings: B737, F70/100; A320
Uren: Genoeg
Een blondje loopt een bank in Amsterdam Centrum binnen en vraagt om een lening. Ze zegt, dat ze voor 2 weken op zakenreis naar de Verenigde Staten moet en dat ze 10.000 euro nodig heeft. De bankbediende zegt dat de bank wel een onderpand nodig heeft voor de lening. Het blondje pakt haar autosleutels en overhandigt de man de sleutels van een gloednieuwe Rolls Royce, die voor het gebouw geparkeerd staat. De identiteit van het blondje wordt gecontroleerd en alles klopt. De bank gaat akkoord met de Rolls als onderpand voor de lening.



Als ze weg is, hebben de directeur en zijn personeel een hoop lol over het feit, dat iemand een auto van een half miljoen als onderpand gebruikt voor een lening van maar 10.000 euro. Echt iets voor een blondje, is de lacherige opinie. Een van de bankmedewerkers rijdt de Rolls in de ondergrondse garage van debank en parkeert de auto daar.



Na twee weken komt het blondje terug en betaalt netjes de lening terug, plus de rente van zo'n 45 euro. De bediende groet haar vriendelijk en zegt, dat ze blij waren zaken met haar te kunnen doen. Maar hij geeft aan, dat ze wel enigszins in verwarring zijn geraakt. Na haar vertrek hebben ze haar nog een keer nagetrokken en het bleek, dat ze multimiljonair is. Waarom wou ze in vredesnaam 10.000 euro lenen, terwijl ze zelf zo rijk is.



Het blondje kijkt hem glimlachend aan en zegt: "Waar zou je anders in Amsterdam voor slechts 45 euro je auto voor 2 weken kunnen parkeren?"
Addy is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 00:33   #16
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Een blondje komt bij een Citroen dealer binnen en kijkt even rond. De verkoper stapt op haar af en vraagt of hij haar kan helpen. Het blondje wijst een auto aan en zegt: "Die wil ik!". Zo gezegd zo gedaan, koopovereenkomst getekend, blondje rekent af en staat erop dat ze de auto meteen mee krijgt. Met een brede glimlach neemt ze plaats en rijdt ze de showroom uit. De verkoper kijkt haar na en ziet dat ze net voorbij de oprit stopt. De verkoper kijkt verbaasd maar veel tijd heeft hij niet aangezien er nieuwe klanten binnen komen.

Tegen sluitingstijd staat het blondje nog steeds net voorbij de oprit en de verkoper besluit om er even heen te lopen. "Heeft u ergens problemen mee?" vraagt de verkoper. "Nee" zegt dat blondje, "ik wacht". De verkoper kijkt haar raar aan en vraagt: "Waar wacht u dan op mevrouw?" "Nou", zegt dat blondje, "ik had gehoord dat als je hier een auto kocht, dat je dan flink genaaid werd..."
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 01:57   #17
peut
Dat dan weer wel
 
 
peut's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2001
Locatie: zwo
Berichten: 504
Brevet: Fatpl
Typeratings: Falcon2000ex EASy
Uren: 2400
Zo komt er een goudvis bij de dokter, zegt de dokter " aha ik zie het al, hij is uit de kom"
peut is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 16:51   #18
Co-Co Flanel
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2006
Locatie: Next to the girl next door
Berichten: 358
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: B737
Uren: Afnemend stijgend
Een stewardess komt de cockpit binnen en vraagt aan de twee piloten:
"Willen jullie koffie of thee?"
De piloten staren maar wat voor zich uit en geven geen antwoord, dus ze probeert het nog een keer:
"Willen jullie koffie of thee?"
Weer komt er geen reactie en ze besluit de aandacht van de piloten te trekken door te zeggen:
"Ik ken nog een mopje."
De captain draait zich moeizaam om, en zegt:
"Nou, vertel je mopje eens."
Waarop de stewardess vraagt:
"Wat is het verschil tussen een condoom en de cockpit?"
De captain werpt een onnozele blik en zegt:
"Ik heb geen idee."
Waarop de stewardess zegt:
"In een cockpit passen twee lullen......"
Dan draait de First Officer zich om en zegt:
"Dan ken ik er ook nog wel ťťntje."
En de stewardess zegt:
"Nou, vraag maar raak!"
Waarop de First Officer vraagt:
"Wat is het verschil tussen een tampon en een theezakje?"
De stewardess zegt:
"Geen idee!"
Waarop beide piloten zich omdraaien en de First Officer mompelt:
"Doe ons beiden dan maar een kopje koffie."
Co-Co Flanel is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 21:59   #19
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
One day, a man walking came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds.

He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.

Curious and brave, he began to climb.

Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.

She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"

The man figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing and came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, more attractive woman than before.

She says: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"

The man saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On the next level of clouds, he finds a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She says, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"

Not satisfied that this is the best he can get, he continues climbing quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he finds a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered.

The man couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him.

He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.

Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 16 stone, 6' hairy biker looking guy with tattoos.

The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward the man .

Apprehensively, the man whispers, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 22:01   #20
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told th clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too !" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the Hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny - I have the same problem."

One day, I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore."

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent ours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?". I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday............
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 22:02   #21
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Aussie Ghost Story - don't read if you have a weak heart.This happened
a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock
tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road
hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night
was rolling on and not a car went by. The storm was so strong he could
hardly see more than a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car that looked
like bini slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car
and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and
the engine wasn't on! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the
road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for
his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the
window and turned the wheel and the car slowly went round the curve.

Paralysed with terror, Joh watched how the hand appeared every time they
came to a bend. John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering
strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila.

He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went
through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he was crying and
wasn't drunk.

About 2 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub.

They were also wet and out of breath.
Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the
other, "Look, Bruce.. here's the ****** idiot that got in the car while we
were pushing it."
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 22:05   #22
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little colour for himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool." Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, the sunburn started acting up. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused. A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain so he went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find him with his "Johnson" immersed in a glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So THAT'S how you load those things
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 22:07   #23
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Wise words:

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 15-08-2007, 22:41   #24
Addy
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Addy's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2005
Locatie: Brabant
Berichten: 252
Brevet: fATPL
Typeratings: B737, F70/100; A320
Uren: Genoeg
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Co-Co Flanel Bekijk Bericht
Een stewardess komt de cockpit binnen en vraagt aan de twee piloten:
"Willen jullie koffie of thee?"
De piloten staren maar wat voor zich uit en geven geen antwoord, dus ze probeert het nog een keer:
"Willen jullie koffie of thee?"
Weer komt er geen reactie en ze besluit de aandacht van de piloten te trekken door te zeggen:
"Ik ken nog een mopje."
De captain draait zich moeizaam om, en zegt:
"Nou, vertel je mopje eens."
Waarop de stewardess vraagt:
"Wat is het verschil tussen een condoom en de cockpit?"
De captain werpt een onnozele blik en zegt:
"Ik heb geen idee."
Waarop de stewardess zegt:
"In een cockpit passen twee lullen......"
Dan draait de First Officer zich om en zegt:
"Dan ken ik er ook nog wel ťťntje."
En de stewardess zegt:
"Nou, vraag maar raak!"
Waarop de First Officer vraagt:
"Wat is het verschil tussen een tampon en een theezakje?"
De stewardess zegt:
"Geen idee!"
Waarop beide piloten zich omdraaien en de First Officer mompelt:
"Doe ons beiden dan maar een kopje koffie."
Hahahahaha brilliant

Overigens een gouden vondst dit topic...Hier nog een:



zitten twee piloten in de cockpit, komt de purser binnenlopen en die ziet een gigantische bos bloemen staan. 'waar zijn die voor?'
'nou, als jij ons nou allebei een lekkere pijpbeurt geeft dan is die bos voor jou!' zegt de gezagvoerder. Affijn, purser staat natuurlijk raar te kijken..'ja we werken nu al een jaar of 10 samen, en eigenlijk lijkt me dat niet zo'n goed idee' zegt ze, en ze loopt weer weg

Even later komt er een andere stewardess binnen, die ziet natuurlijk ook die bloemen staan...Hee meid, als je ons nou allebei een lekkere pijpbeurt geeft zijn ze voor jou hoor!
'Ja nou, eehh...we kennen elkaar nu 5 jaar en eigenlijk vind ik dat niet zo'n goed plan voor onze werksfeer' En ook zij loopt weg...

Tijdje later komt de stewardess aanlopen die net haar eerste werkdag heeft...

'waarvoor zijn die bloemen?' Nou, die zijn voor jou, dat is traditie voor de eerste werkdag! Nou affijn, t meisje helemaal blij met die reusachtige bos bloemen, en ze rent naar de cabine...'kijk eens!' zegt ze tegen haar collega's, 'Kijk eens wat voor een mooie bos bloemen ik heb gehad!'
Addy is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 02:08   #25
PH-JPC
Dark side of the moon
 
 
PH-JPC's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2003
Locatie: 2 rood, 2 wit, slightly right
Berichten: 1.783
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: 747-400/-8
Uren: 8000+
Lopen twee belgen op straat.... zegt de ťťn tegen de ander...


ahh laat ook maar, binnenkort komt er een noemenswaardiger!
Haha geweldig topic dit!
PH-JPC is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 10:33   #26
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Zat idd op de belgenmoppen te wachten, maar ja, met een belgische werkgever....

Daarom maar op safe spelen:

Wie heeft het koperdraad uitgevonden? Twee Hollanders die vochten om een stuiver.

Hoe zijn de grotten van Han ontstaan? Een Hollander was een gulden kwijtgeraakt in de Ardennen.
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 11:05   #27
Honeywell
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Honeywell's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2007
Locatie: Den Haag
Berichten: 810
Brevet: Frozen ATPL
Typeratings: Fokker 50
Uren: Counting
Laatst ergens gelezen:

Over een conversatie tussen een SR-71 en ATC:

US***: Request FL600
ATC: If you can make it, go ahead!
US***: Ok decending from FL800 to FL600
ATC: Silent...
Honeywell is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 11:08   #28
Honeywell
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Honeywell's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2007
Locatie: Den Haag
Berichten: 810
Brevet: Frozen ATPL
Typeratings: Fokker 50
Uren: Counting
While taxiing out in sequence behind a Lufthansa airliner at Frankfurt, a C-130 Crew noticed an orange "Remove before flight" streamer hanging out of the Lufthansa nose wheel well (their nose gear locking pin was still installed). Not wanting to cause too much embarrassment by going thru the controller, the 130 crew simply called the Lufthansa aircraft on the tower frequency: "Lufthansa aircraft, Herky 23." No reply.

They repeated the transmission and again there was no reply. Instead, the Lufthansa pilot called the tower and asked the tower to tell the Herky crew that "the professional pilots of Lufthansa do not engage in unprofessional conversations over the radio."
The 130 pilot quickly replied, "Frankfurt tower, can you please relay to the professional pilots of the Lufthansa aircraft that their nose gear pin is still installed?"
Honeywell is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 11:14   #29
Honeywell
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Honeywell's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2007
Locatie: Den Haag
Berichten: 810
Brevet: Frozen ATPL
Typeratings: Fokker 50
Uren: Counting
En voor nog wat flauwe plaatjes:

http://www.airtoons.com/

Is een parodie op safety cards.
Honeywell is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 15:01   #30
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
A man dies and goes to hell.. while down there he meets a demon.

Demon: hi im the hell liason ill show you around .. Hells not all that bad as people make out .. You smoke?

Man: hell yeah i smoke 2 packs a day

Demon: well todays monday.. on mondays we sit around and smoke all day.. ciggerattes, cigars, pipes.. smoke till are lungs burst
it doenst matter were already dead

Man: Thats sounds good

Demon: You drink?

Man: sure I do at least a six pack a day..

Demon: Well on tuesdays we drink all day ..beer, whiskey, tequila drink till are liver shrivels up.. what do we care ..were dead

Man: wow thats great

Demon: How about drugs?

Man: well sure.. I smoke pot regulary.. occasionally a few lines..

Demon: on Wednesdays we do Pot, coke, extacy, smack.. f@#k it OD it doesnt matter..

Man: wow thats really cool..whats on thursdays?

Demon: are you gay?

man: No

Demon: well your gonna hate thursdays
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 15:02   #31
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
Following their deaths, a woman buried her three ex-husbands in the same grave.
"Why did you bury them in the same grave?" she was asked.
"Well", she began, "they all seemed to be perfectly happy with the same hole when they were alive ..."

----------------------------------------------------

Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed
instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".

---------------------------------------------------

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. As the pallbearers are carrying out the casket, they accidentally
bump into a wall. Hearing a faint moan from inside, the woman’s husband opens the casket and finds that his wife is actually alive!

She dies again, 10 years later, at which point her husband has to go through another funeral. This time when the pallbearers carry
the casket toward the door, the husband yells out, “Watch out for that f*cking wall!”
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 15:04   #32
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
De passagiers van een vliegtuig zitten allemaal op hun plaats en wachten op de piloten om te vertrekken. Twee mannen komen binnen en lopen traag naar de cockpit. Ze dragen een piloten uniform en een donkere bril.

De ene heeft een hond aan de leiband en de andere tikt met een witte stok voor zich uit op de vloer. Ze bereiken de cockpit zonder problemen en sluiten de deur achter zich.

Verschillende passagiers lachen wat zenuwachtig naar elkaar, fronsen hun wenkbrauwen of doen alsof ze het een leuke grap vinden.

Enkele seconden later starten de motoren en begint het vliegtuig over de startbaan te taxi-en. Het toestel gaat steeds sneller, maar het
stijgt niet op. Door de venstertjes zien de passagiers dat het vliegtuig recht op een uitgestrekt meer afstevent aan het einde van
de startbaan.

Het vliegtuig raast nu met zeer hoge snelheid vooruit en verschillende passagiers beginnen te beseffen dat ze nooit zullen opstijgen en dus
in het meer zullen terechtkomen.

Er wordt uit vele kelen luid gegild, maar net op dat moment trekt het vliegtuig lichtjes op en komt het zonder problemen van de grond.

De passagiers komen stilaan tot bedaren en praten nog wat na over die angstaanjagende
"joke".

Enkele minuten later is het incident vergeten.

In de cockpit betast de Piloot het dashboard, vind de automatische piloot en zet hem in werking. Plots zegt de piloot: "Weet je wat me soms bang maakt?"
"Nee?", zegt de co-piloot.
"Op een dag beginnen ze te laat te gillen en dan gaan we er allemaal aan!
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 15:22   #33
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
Overheard in court...

And then the Attorney asked...

"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
Actual Questions and Answers Overheard in Court...

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: Uuhhh...

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: "And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 20:47   #34
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Wiskunde nieuwe stijl

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain.
The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.

Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

Maths Test for comprehensives

Name____________________________

Nickname_________________________

Gang Name________________________

1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is £40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damo's £500 a day coke habit?

3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid,
to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got £350,000 for the hit. If his
Common law wife spends £33,100 per month, how much money will be left, when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the
average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed
with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint
free?

6. Liam steals Jordans skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of
35mph, Jordan loads his brothers Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he
gets whacked?

************************************************** ********

Maths test for private schools

Name______________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________
(If longer, please continue on separate sheet)

School_____________________________________

Daddy's Company____________________________

1. Harry smashes up the old mans car, causing X amount of damage and killing three people.
The old man asks his local CC to intervene in the court system,
then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of Y.
The difference between X and Y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people.
What type of car is Harry driving now?

2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own
brand products favoured by her employer. In the course of a month
she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even
notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Tristram fancies the oops off a certain number of tarts, but he only
has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has
14 Rhoypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?

4. If Verity throws up four times a day for a week she can fit in a size
8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks,
she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much
does liposuction cost?

5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies
Women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vaccum cleaners.
However, he only has access to the hoover every third week.
When does his Sunday Independent column start?
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 20:53   #35
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Lutherian Air

We are pleased to announce Lutherian Air is now operating in Minnysota. Also serving Visconsin and Nort' and Sout' Dakota.

If you are travellin' pretty soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills airline. You are all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin' is a upliftin' experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1 - 6 bring rolls, 7 - 15 bring a salad, 16 - 21 a main dish and 22 - 30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land 'till da budget is met. Pay attention to your stewardess, who will acquaint you wit' the safety systems on dis Lutran Air flight 599.

Ok den, lissen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olsen because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or something of that nature, and I wouldn't bodder wit' doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger t'ings to vorry about dan dat. Just stuff dem back up in der liddle holes. Probably doze masks fell out because of da turbulence, which, to be honest wit' you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two thousand feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after awhile you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget about it. Just start saying da Lord's Prayer and hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us" which isn't right, but what can you do? Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because dey may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it's because da cell phones is a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone He would have put your mout' on da side of your head. We start lunch right after noon and it's buffet style wit' da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing. Hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit' you when you go, or I'm going to be real upset and I'm not kiddin'!

Right now, I'll say Grace:
"Come Lord Jesus be our guest
And let dese gifts to us be blessed.
Fadder, Son and Holy Ghost
May we land in Dulut' or pretty close."
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 20:59   #36
Exit
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Q-nimbus Bekijk Bericht
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Remember : you are under oath!
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 21:33   #37
funflying
heeft nog geen status
 
 
funflying's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2005
Locatie: in 'n huis
Berichten: 123
Brevet: ppl
Typeratings: n/a
Help to get me bloody pilot's license back

Hi Mate,
I am writing to you, because I need your help to get me bloody pilot's
license back. You keep telling me you got all the right contacts. Well now's your
chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate.
But first, I'd better tell you what happened during my last flight review with
the CAA Examiner.
On the phone, Ron (that's the CAA ********) seemed a reasonable sort of
bloke. He politely reminded me of the need to do a flight review every two years.
He even offered to drive out, have a look over my property and let me operate
from my own strip. Naturally I agreed to that.
Anyway, Ron turned up last Wednesday. First up, he said he was a bit
surprised to see the plane on a small strip outside my homestead, because the ALA
(Authorized Landing Area) is about a mile away. I explained that because this
strip was so close to the homestead, it was more convenient than the ALA, and
despite the power lines crossing about midway down the strip it's really not a
problem to land and take-off, because at the half-way point down the strip
you're usually still on the ground.
For some reason Ron seemed nervous. So, although I had done the pre-flight inspection
only four days earlier, I decided to do it all over again.
Because he was watching me carefully, I walked around the
plane three times instead of my usual two.
My effort was rewarded because the color finally returned to Ron's cheeks.
In fact, they went a bright red. In view of Ron's obviously better mood, I told
him I was going to combine the Test flight with some farm work, as I had to
deliver three poddy calves from the home paddock to the main herd. After a bit
of a chase I finally caught the calves and threw them into the back of the
ol' Cessna 172. We climbed aboard, but Ron started getting' onto me about
weight and balance calculations and all that crap. Of course I knew that sort of
thing was a waste of time because, calves like to move around a bit,
particularly when they see themselves 500 feet off the ground! So, its bloody pointless
trying to secure them as you know. However, I did tell Ron that he shouldn't
worry as I always keep the trim wheel set on neutral to ensure we remain
pretty stable at all stages throughout the flight.
Anyway, I started the engine and cleverly minimized the warm-up time by
tramping hard on the brakes and gunning her to 2,500rpm. I then discovered that
Ron has very acute hearing, even though he was wearing a bloody headset. Through
all that noise he detected a metallic rattle and demanded I account for it.
Actually it began about a month ago and was caused by a screwdriver that fell
down a hole in the floor and lodged in the fuel selector mechanism. The
selector can't be moved now, but it doesn't matter because it's jammed on 'All
tanks', so I suppose that's Okay.
However, as Ron was obviously a real nit-picker, I blamed the noise on
vibration from a stainless steel thermos flask, which I keep in a beaut little
possie between the windshield and the magnetic compass. My explanation seemed to
relax Ron, because he slumped back in the seat and kept looking up at the
cockpit roof. I released the brakes to taxi out, but unfortunately the plane gave
a leap and spun to the right. "Hell" I thought, "not the starboard wheel
chock again". The bump jolted Ron back to full alertness. He looked wildly around
just in time to see a rock thrown by the prop wash disappear completely
through the windscreen of his brand new Commodore. "Now I'm really in trouble", I
thought.
While Ron was busy ranting about his car, I ignored his requirement that we
taxi to the ALA, and instead took off under the power lines. Ron didn't say a
word, at least not until the engine started coughing right at the lift off
point, then he bloody screamed his head off. "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
funflying is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 16-08-2007, 23:04   #38
Honeywell
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Honeywell's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2007
Locatie: Den Haag
Berichten: 810
Brevet: Frozen ATPL
Typeratings: Fokker 50
Uren: Counting
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Co-Co Flanel Bekijk Bericht
...
"Wat is het verschil tussen een tampon en een theezakje?"
De stewardess zegt:
"Geen idee!"
Waarop beide piloten zich omdraaien en de First Officer mompelt:
"Doe ons beiden dan maar een kopje koffie."
ultralol!
Honeywell is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 12:31   #39
XDgb14
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a





..:: JET-A is My Perfume ::..
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 12:44   #40
XDgb14
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Citaat:
Zat idd op de belgenmoppen te wachten, maar ja, met een belgische werkgever....
Q. Waarom kreunt een Nederlander als hij klaarkomt?
A. omdat het uit zijn eigen zak komt.

Q. Hoe vangt een Belg een Nederlander?
A. Als hij staat te drinken de bril toeklappen.




..:: JET-A is My Perfume ::..
  Met citaat antwoorden
Antwoord

Onderwerpopties
Weergavemodus

Plaatsingsregels
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is Aan
Smilies zijn Aan
[IMG] code is Aan
HTML code is Uit

Forumnavigatie


Alle tijden zijn UTC +2. De tijd is nu 13:52.


Forum software: vBulletin, versie 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Integrated by BBpixel Team 2019 :: jvbPlugin R1012.365.1