.:.

Ga Terug   Airwork > Algemeen > Crewroom

Antwoord
 
Onderwerpopties Weergavemodus
Oud 17-08-2007, 17:15   #41
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Waargebeurd...

In Belgie was er een tv programma waar echtparen onafhankelijk van elkaar dezelfde vragen werden gesteld. Gaven ze allebei dezelfde antwoorden dan wonnen ze een prijs (reisje naar tropisch eiland ofzoiets).

Zo waren ze bezig wat vragen te stellen aan de mannelijke helft van het echtpaar terwijl de vrouw de koptelefoon op had. Na enige vragen ging het over sex.
Presentator: "Wanneer had u voor het laatst sex?"
Man: "Gisteren nog."
Presentator: "Waar was dat dan?"
Man: "Ehm, in de keuken..."

De vrouw mag de koptelefoon af doen en krijgt dezelfde vragen. Op een gegeven moment komen ze bij het laatste onderwerp, sex:
Presentator: "Wanneer had u voor het laatst sex?"
Vrouw: "Dat was gisteren."
Presentator: "Waar was dat dan?"
Opeens krijgt de vrouw een heel rood hoofd en kijkt erg ongemakkelijk. Haar man moedigt haar aan: "Vertel maar hoor, ik heb het ook verteld."
"Nou vooruit dan" zegt die vrouw, "in m'n kont"
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 17:24   #42
XDgb14
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Citaat:
zegt die vrouw, "in m'n kont"
darmtoerisme
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 17:37   #43
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
@Pirke:

YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


@Great Balls of Fire: Wat is er mis met darmtoerisme?
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 17:38   #44
Alien
Postive rate
 
 
Alien's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2001
Locatie: -
Berichten: 2.191
Brevet: ATPL / FI
Typeratings: E190 (F70/MD11/777)
Uren: 5000+
Q was me voor

Laatst aangepast door Alien : 17-08-2007 om 17:39 Reden: te laat
Alien is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 18:12   #45
Co-Co Flanel
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2006
Locatie: Next to the girl next door
Berichten: 358
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: B737
Uren: Afnemend stijgend
Kan het niet laten om nog wat mooie stukjes van Trigger happy te delen. Echt heerlijk droge humor.

YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.

Laatst aangepast door Co-Co Flanel : 17-08-2007 om 18:31
Co-Co Flanel is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 18:14   #46
XDgb14
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Citaat:
@Great Balls of Fire: Wat is er mis met darmtoerisme?
Niks

Het domme blondje zei in m'n poep (kende m'n al)
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 18:52   #47
peut
Dat dan weer wel
 
 
peut's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jul 2001
Locatie: zwo
Berichten: 504
Brevet: Fatpl
Typeratings: Falcon2000ex EASy
Uren: 2400
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Great Balls of Fire Bekijk Bericht
Niks

Het domme blondje zei in m'n poep (kende m'n al)

Jonges, asjeblief, zit net te eten
peut is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 19:13   #48
Wepz
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2002
Locatie: TBD
Berichten: 1.315
Brevet: GMB
Typeratings: NH90
Uren: Teller loopt weer
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Pirke Bekijk Bericht
Waargebeurd...
De man in kwestie is in ieder geval een acteur:
Lucas van den Eijnde

De dame ken ik niet.
Wepz is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 17-08-2007, 19:52   #49
Co-Co Flanel
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2006
Locatie: Next to the girl next door
Berichten: 358
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: B737
Uren: Afnemend stijgend
Klassieker

YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.
Co-Co Flanel is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 11:29   #50
WvdB
heeft nog geen status
 
 
WvdB's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: buiten bereik
Berichten: 550
Brevet: .
Typeratings: .
Uren: 2x de helft
"Toen de bierkratten nog van hout waren, moest men nog zuipen om de kachel warm te houden"

Winds,

WvdB
WvdB is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 11:52   #51
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Vroeger... toen oma voor de open haard nog geitewollen condooms aan het breien was...
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 12:50   #52
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Hmmm, nog maar een paar jaar geleden dat ik de "Real Man's Condom" zag liggen in een vitrine, in Philly ergens.

Gemaakt van staalwol en met natuurlijk een disclaimer; may cause severe hairloss in certain areas when used.
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 13:45   #53
digits
At the home of the Gimli
glider
 
 
Airworker sinds: Apr 2006
Locatie: Canada
Berichten: 507
Brevet: ATPL / FI
Typeratings: SA227 / BE20 / PA31 / B95A
Uren: 2500
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Wepz Bekijk Bericht
De man in kwestie is in ieder geval een acteur:
Lucas van den Eijnde

De dame ken ik niet.
dat is helemaal niet waargebeurd, maar maakt onderdeel uit van een programma "In de gloria" met allerlei grappige sketches. ook die persoon uit bovenstaand filmpje die lacht met die persoon met de hoge stem is allemaal geacteerd.
digits is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 14:32   #54
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Mensen mensen, dit is het grote moppen topic, hier hoeft niet serieus gedaan te worden
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 19-08-2007, 15:08   #55
XDgb14
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a


If You need one of These? You are NOT a real pilot!
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 20-08-2007, 03:09   #56
touch and go
Flying around on 3 engines
 
 
touch and go's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Feb 2000
Locatie: Massachusetts
Berichten: 694
Brevet: FAA & JAA ATPL
Typeratings: CE-500, CE-560XL, CL604, BBD-700 & DA-EASY
Uren: 9500+
Send a message via Skype™ to touch and go
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door WvdB Bekijk Bericht
"Toen de bierkratten nog van hout waren, moest men nog zuipen om de kachel warm te houden"

Winds,

WvdB
GENIAAL!!!!
touch and go is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 20-08-2007, 03:49   #57
touch and go
Flying around on 3 engines
 
 
touch and go's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Feb 2000
Locatie: Massachusetts
Berichten: 694
Brevet: FAA & JAA ATPL
Typeratings: CE-500, CE-560XL, CL604, BBD-700 & DA-EASY
Uren: 9500+
Send a message via Skype™ to touch and go
Ken geen moppen dus ik doe het zo:

Let's do a 360 and get the f*ck outa here

En dan voor de USA guys:

You might be a 135 pilot if:

-you ask the lineman at KPBI when they start giving out the oranges this year, because you can't eat the free T-shirt

-just minutes before yet another check-ride your scambling for paperwork and updating your time & duty

-Your paycheck bounces higher than your plane can fly

-there's more broken in the airplane than the MEL has pages

-you call the hotel van for a pickup and they don't understand where you are on the airport (does that sound familiar FD?)
touch and go is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 20-08-2007, 11:08   #58
La Linea
heeft nog geen status
 
 
La Linea's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2006
Locatie: Amsterdam
Berichten: 15
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: DHC8 Q400
Uren: 2000+
Ik vond deze wel aardig!:

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks softly, stroking his face with both
hands. "Actually, no" the man replies.

"Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she
says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't but is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
La Linea is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 20-08-2007, 15:54   #59
Putty
Proceeding at own discretion
 
 
Putty's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: RTM 175rad 25,6nm
Berichten: 662
Brevet: cpl
Typeratings: SEP+C208(B)
Uren: 700links350rechts300achterin
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Great Balls of Fire Bekijk Bericht


If You need one of These? You are NOT a real pilot!
Zo ff lekker happen ... Hey Great Balls of Fire ... Er staat bij je avatar dat je tot FL60 bent gestegen ... haal je dat wel met je mixer!

Hoe heet de vrouw van een helikopterpiloot?

... Wentelteef!
Putty is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 20-08-2007, 22:16   #60
WvdB
heeft nog geen status
 
 
WvdB's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: buiten bereik
Berichten: 550
Brevet: .
Typeratings: .
Uren: 2x de helft
Voel ik hier een AIRWORK joke of the month: 2007-2008 aankomen ?

Winds,

WvdB
WvdB is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 22-08-2007, 09:26   #61
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
Redneck Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up



Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."



On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"



Er komt een boer in de dierenwinkel en deze wil een haan kopen. De verkoper heeft nog wel een haan te koop, er is echter een probleem. De haan is zo ontzettend geil dat het gewoon niet leuk meer is..... De Boer vindt dit niet erg, hij heeft de haan immers hard nodig. Dus hij koopt de haan en neemt hem mee naar zijn boerderij. Daar aangekomen springt de haan al van zijn fiets af voordat ze stil staan en begint alle kippen te neuken. Als hij hiermee klaar is begint hij aan de ganzen en vervolgens aan de eenden. Net als hij de zwanen wil gaan neuken stapt de boer op hem af en zegt: ‘Als ik jou was zou ik maar rustig aan doen, al dat geneuk wordt nog eens je dood!’ De haan kijkt de boer verbaasd aan, haalt zijn schouders op en begint de zwaan stevig te neuken. De volgende dag, als de boer is opgestaan, ziet de boer de haan op zijn rug op het erf liggen. Hij ligt daar al en tijdje want de gieren cirkelen al boven zijn hoofd. De boer loopt naar de haan toe, schopt tegen het levenloze lichaam en zegt: ‘Zie je nou wel, ik zei toch dat al dat geneuk je dood zou worden!!!’ Waarop de haan z'n ogen opent en zegt: ‘Ga weg man, die gieren komen bijna naar beneden.....’
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 22-08-2007, 11:45   #62
a$x
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Nou mijn slechtste mop:

Er is een vacature voor een bepaalde functie bij een bedrijf, 3 dames hebben hierop gereageerd en ze mogen op gesprek komen.

Eerst mag de brunette komen, ja prima CV, alles in orde zegt de baas maar ik heb nog een vraag: "hoeveel T's zitten er in The A-team?"
euh 2 zegt de brunette. Oke en de volgende mag op gesprek komen.

daarna mag de zwartharige dame komen, ja prima CV, alles is goed zegt de baas maar ik heb nog een vraag voor de formaliteit: "hoeveel T's zitten er in The A-team?"
euh 2 zegt de deze dame. Oke en de volgende mag op gesprek komen.

Uiteindelijk komt (uiteraard) de blonde dame, hmm CV best oke, maar oke. Nog 1 vraag, puur voor de formaliteit hoor!:"hoeveel T's zitten er in The A-Team?"
de blonde vrouw kijkt verbaasd en denkt na...

2 minuten
3 minuten en
5 minuten gaan voorbij..

De baas zegt: weet je het nog niet? waarop de blonde dame antwoord: tjah ik zit te denken het zullen er wel 50 kunnen zijn... VIJFTIG? vraagt de baas.

Ja, niet dan? TATATATAA TATATAAA TATATATAAAAA TATATATAAAAAAA (op het ritme van de theme song uiteraard )

slecht he?
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 22-08-2007, 23:06   #63
RunningRabbit
F/o = Geen Status
 
 
RunningRabbit's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jan 2006
Locatie: 3rd Rock From The Sun
Berichten: 244
Brevet: Chuck? Is that you?
Typeratings: A320, RJ85, F50, SF340
Uren: 7000
Whats the difference between a jet engine and a Stewardess?
At least the jet engine stops whining at the gate...

How is the Let410 able to fly?
It doesnt, its so ugly it gets rejected by the earth...

What's the difference between God and pilots?
At least God doesn't think he's a pilot.
RunningRabbit is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 23-08-2007, 12:06   #64
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Vroegah, toen ik nog tijd over had en alle onzin verzamelde......

Van een oude FLoppy terug op het net, excuses voor dubbele posts, more to come.


One airline captain was never good at making passengers feel at ease. One example is of the time that an airliner in front of him blew a tire during the landing, scattering chunks of rubber over the entire runway. He was asked to hold while the trucks came out to clean the runway. His announcement:
Ladies and gentleman. I’m afraid there will be a short delay before our arrival. They’ve closed down the airport while they clean up what’s left of the last airplane that landed there.


A flight engineer on his first month flying the line was persuaded that all the stories he heard about pilots and stewardesses were true and that the term layover really meant what he thought it meant.
Returning from one layover he heard the captain tell the first officer: ”Wow! That Mary is some girl! I was in my bedroom when the phone rang. It was Mary who said she couldn’t open her suitcase and could I help? So I went down, opened the suitcase and she handed me a drink. Then she excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she came out she hadn’t a stitch on. What a night!”
A few days later the same Crew repeated the flight sequence and on the return the engineer overheard the first officer telling the captain: ”You were quite right about Mary. It happened to me last night” He proceeded to recite the same sequence of events.
The engineer was intrigued and excited by all this and when the same crew repeated the flight sequence he was delighted when the telephone rang and a voice said:”Oh, I can’t get my suitcase open. Would you be kind enough to come to my room to help me?”
It was Mary and the engineer beat the world record for sprint to her room. In no time at all he had the case open and the grateful Mary handed him a Scotch. She then excused herself and went into the bathroom. The engineer was not the sort of man to waste time. He immediately undressed and got into bed. Sure enough, about ten minutes later the bathroom door opened and Mary came out.
She was fully clothed and followed by the rest of the crew.


The airport was crowded. There was a line of more than a dozen aircraft waiting to take off when an airliner came down and thumped the runway with an almighty thud, reared into the air again and finally settled for just about the worst landing in years.
Most of the captains had their breath taken away by the sight, but one skipper allowed a flight hostess to use the radio and announce: ”You girls are lucky. Our company won’t allow us to land the aircraft.”

Squawk sheet entry: Friction lock causes throttle lever to stick.
Mechanic’s reply: That’s what they are for.

Squawk sheet entry: Left inside tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic’s reply: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
AIRLINES TERMINOLOGY

Passenger

A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a “line”. This “line” has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, paxus latus, paxus inebratius and paxus ignoramus.

Pre-board
Passengers who arrive at the gate five minutes before departure.

Voluntary Oversale
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming of the flight.

No-record
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

Non-revenue Position
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class passenger charges.

Group
A large pack of passengers travelling together. The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure, or until there are no more seats left together, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are prohibited from pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.

Sign
An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children. It’s primary function is to hide the locations of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.

Position Closed
This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passengers says:”Form line here.”

Baggage Claim
The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, “Baggage Claim Area”

Carry On Bag
An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passengers seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says the following items are not acceptable as carry on items: bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators or wide screen projection TVs

Flight Schedule

An entertaining work of paperback function.

On Time
An obscure term, meaning unknown.

Fog
A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights.

Air Traffic Control
A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no rules and neither side knows how it is played but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time to make connecting flights.

Ticket Agent
A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of a sheep dog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psycho analyst and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomenon They are capable of answering three questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. In later life they are found in public access parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves.

An American leg pull was to tell a new stewardess that it was her duty to put the nose wheel down before landing and show her how to use the lever. More than often it was the flap lever. The crews would keep this up for months. One day though a captain brought his airplane in for a landing when all of a sudden the young stewardess burst into the flight deck, shouting:”Don’t land for God’s sake, don’t land.” No arguing at moments like these, the pilots went around. When everything had settled down again, the stewardess apologized:
“I’m terrible sorry, but I’ve been so busy that I forgot to lower the nose wheel!”


Squawk-sheet entry: Something loose in the cockpit.
Mechanic’s reply: Something tightened in the cockpit.

Squawk sheet entry: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic’s reply: Live bugs on order.

Squawk sheet entry: DME Volume unbelievable loud.
Mechanic’s reply: Volume set to more believable levels.

Squawk sheet entry: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Mechanic’s reply: Evidence removed.


The Top 15 Advertising slogans for discount airlines.

1. We’re Amtrak with wings.
2. Join our frequent near miss program.
3. Ask about our out of court settlements!
4. Noisy engines? We’ll turn them off.

5. Complimentary champagne in free fall.
6. Enjoy the in-flight movie of the airplane next to you.
7. The kids will love the inflatable slides!
8. You think it’s so easy, get your own damn airplane..
9. Our pilots are terminal ill and have nothing to lose.
10.We might be landing in your street!
11.Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
12. Bring a bathing suit.
13. So that’s what these buttons do!
14. A real man lands where he wants to.
15. We never make the same mistake three times

After 15 hours a Boeing 747 becomes a Boring 747.

At a grocery checkout counter a customer was sorting through various currencies, searching for U.S. dollars to pay for his purchases. Look at all the money” the cashier said ”I bet you’re going overseas!” “I’m an airline pilot, the customer explained, I frequently fly to the Orient.”
“Ooooh, a pilot! That must be exciting”
“Not if I do it right.”


Many flight attendants do a great job handling the cranks, nitwits and crying babies. And they do all this with a smile. Some of them missed their calling as standup comedians. Witness the following:
“In the unlikely event we make it as far as a body of water before we crash you can use your complimentary snack as a shark repellent”
“Please be sure that your seat backs and tray are in their full upright position, and that all the carry-on baggage is stowed under the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. This does not include small children”
“When the yellow oxygen masks do fall down, place one of the masks securely over your own face, before placing one over the face of a child or a person acting like one...”


The pilot of a small freight plane was getting a little complacent in his radio phraseology, probably because of the rather dull routine of his late night run. Every weekday at 2:00am he would call in: ”Jones Field, good morning. Guess who?”
The lone controller was bored too, but insisted on proper terminology and would lecture the pilot on proper radio techniques, but the pilot continued his daily: ”Jones Field, good morning. Guess who?” only one time too many.
The controller, well prepared, turned of all the lights on the airport and responded: ”Jones Field, guess where!” The freight pilots radio procedures were impeccable from then on.



On a small commuter flight one sunny day the captain was told his passengers were nervous about being on a “small” plane. He decided to take action: ”Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have been informed that some of you are a little bit worried about being on a ‘little’ airplane. Well let me assure you folks, there is nothing to worry about, just sit back and relax. It might be helpful to do a little sightseeing to put your mind at ease. Now if you all lean over and lookout over the right wing......It’ll tip over! Hahahahahahaha. Just a little pilot humor.....”

I was flying for a little commuter airline and I was flying as a co-pilot just north of Little Rock, Arkansas when ATC said: ”You’ve got traffic twelve o’clock, slow moving, altitude unknown. Could be a flock of geese moving north.”
Indeed it was, we spotted the geese , reported them to ATC and went on our way. A week later we were flying in the same area when ATC all of a sudden said: ”Slow moving traffic, northbound, altitude unknown.’ Even though I was supposed to handle the radio my authoritative captain said: ”I’ve got it!” “Eh, Center, it’s probably just a flock of geese!”
Center replied: ”I don’t think so, unless they wear transponders nowadays!”


Whenever our company was negotiating about the new contracts a lot of pilots called in sick. The company didn’t have enough pilots to work this problem out and so they started calling other pilots and intimidated them so they would work overtime.
But pilots are smart when it came to avoiding these phone calls. Some fellow pilots used “forward calling” and forwarded their phone number to their own company so managers at the office were talking to other managers in the office who answered calls.


One early morning around six o’clock while talking to Memphis Center everybody was half asleep when all of a sudden:” Helloo Memphis Center, American 123 is leaving Flight Level 230 for Flight Level 350 steering direct for Saint Louis, we’ve got hot coffee, smooth air and good people all around us!” Center replied, sleepy and grouchy,: ”American 123, you’re on the wrong frequency, get back to your previously assigned frequency!”
It was very quiet for a few seconds and they replied: ”Center, American 123 again, disregard everything I said after Hello and we’ll see you later!!”
After that it became dead silent again but everybody was awake for awhile.


Continental324: Tower, can you ask Delta 457 to come up on our company frequency?
Delta457: We are professionals, we don’t do that!”
Continental324: Tower, can you tell those professionals that their gear pins are still installed.?


After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial airline, that co-pilot heard his captain make an announcement: ”Ladies and gentlemen, Qantas Airlines wishes to apologize for this rough landing, provided today by our first officer.”
Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the captain did an even worse one. The first officer jumped at the occasion and got on the intercom announcing: ”Qantas Airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our captain.”
“What did you do that for?” The first officer replied: ”Remember a few months back, you did the same to me, I owe it to you!”
“But I never keyed the mike!” responded the captain.



While a DC 10 rolls down the runway after a fast landing, ”American 751 Heavy, take the right turn at the end if able, if not take the Guadeloupe exit off to Highway 101 back to the airport.

This was obviously the crew’s first time at Raleigh Durham Airport, they already had their gate assigned and the following conversation took place.
Crew: Raleigh-Durham this is five-seven-five coming at ya. Confirm gate assignment.
Ops. Control: Five-seven-five gate assignment is ten, that is one zero!
Crew: Copy ten, one zero, we’re on the ground.
Ops. Control: Roger, five-seven-five on the ground, copy that!
Crew: Uhhh, where is our ground crew?
Ops. Control: Ground crew is at gate ten, that’s one zero?
Crew: Raleigh Durham, I thought you had jetways at this airport?
Ops. Control: Affirmative on the jetways, five-seven-five.
Crew: Raleigh Durham WHERE IS THE GROUND CREW ???
Ops. Control: Five-seven-five, the ground crew saw you land, but where are you? Please identify your surroundings.
Crew: Raleigh Durham, we are parked by a DC9, tail number niner two five and there is a UPS stretch 727 on the other end of the terminal.
Ops. Control: Copy that sir, I strongly suggest you announce a gate change. You have parked yourself at the Air Freight Terminal!
Crew: Uh oh! Copy gate change!

Thirteen ministers were on a flight to New York. When they came into a large storm they told a stewardess to tell the pilot that everything would be alright because thirteen ministers were on board. Later the stewardess returned from the cockpit. “What did the pilot say?” one preacher asked. “He was glad to have thirteen ministers on board but he would rather have four good engines.”


An airline pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the ‘newly arrived’ area. There are three doors, marked one two and three, in turn. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something else and disappears.
The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot who goes through preflight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency siuations. Behind the last door he sees a captain being waited on hand and foot by barely dressed stewardesses. The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position.
The devil offers him what’s behind door number one or two. The pilot says: ”Hey, I wanted number three!!” “Sorry”, the devil replies, ”but you can’t have number three, that’s the flight attendant’s hell!”

Things you don’t want to hear on the airline’s PA system.

1. Oceanic crossing flight: This is your captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as a flotation device....

2. Hey, folks we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of the airlines new commitment to make your flight a sightseeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o’clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!
5. Ummmm......Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after take-off).....uhhhh....we have to go back.... we...uhhh.....forgot something.
7. I’m sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we will be flying more efficiently now.
8. Fasten your seatbelts (same tone your friend with suicidal tendencies uses when you get in the car).
9. This is your captain speaking....these planes are a lot different than the ships I’m used to...so you’ll have to give me some leeway.
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and enjoyed the in-flight movie.
11. We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20.000 feet and. Oh shit....
12. Don’t worry, that one is always on em...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me...and I’ll just have what the captain is having....
15. Hey, why don’t you tell the new stewardess she can come sit on my lap and fly the airplane.
"You Just Might Be Freight Trash if.."


1. Your airplane was getting old when you were born.
2. You have not done a daylight takeoff or landing during the past six months.
3. ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don't care.
4. When you taxi to an FBO they roll Out the red carpet, but quickly take it back inside when they recognize you.
5. You have lost more than 45% of your hearing because your aircraft soundproofing has been removed to safe weight.
6. Center asks you to "keep the chickens down" so they can hear you talk.
7. Your airplane has more than 75,000 cycles.
8. Your company callsign is "Pork Rib".
9. The lady at the FBO locks-up the popcorn machine' when you taxi in, because you plan on "making a meal of it".
10. You are always the last one cleared for takeoff, no matter how soon you call the tower or arrive at the runway.
11. Your airplane has more than eight faded company logos on it.
12. You wear the same shirt for a week, and no one complains.
13. Airlines hold and wait for you to "test the squall line" first.
14. Your airplane has belonged to more than sixteen different companies.
15. Center mispronounces your callusing more than three times in one flight.
16. Your director of Operations mysteriously changes your maximum takeoff weight during the holiday season
17. You have the same eating habits as a vampire
18. Every FBO makes you park out of sight of their building.
19. You show up to work and a G-IV pilot asks you to fuel his airplane and carry his bags.
20. It would take more than 23 different colors to copy your company’s paint scheme.
21. You refuse to take vectors around weather.
22. Mothers tell their children to stay away from you in terminals because they think you life there
23. ATC continuously makes you land on the runway that will require the longest taxi time.
24. You call the hotel van for a pickup and they don’t understand where you are on the airport.
25. You never had a passenger complain.



HELP! I DON'T WANT TO BE AN AIRLINE PILOT!

I walked into the interview with a great deal of confidence and enthusiasm. Flying airplanes was my one true passion in this life. This was my big chance to merge my occupation with my love. I would become an airline pilot.
"So you want to be an airline pilot?" the interviewer inquired.
'Yes, sir, more than anything else I have ever wanted," I replied, realizing I soun¬ded like an anxious adolescent.
‘Well, great, welcome aboard," the airline executive said.
'You mean I'm hired?! I cheered.
'You bet, we're glad to have you. Actually, we've had trouble finding good pilots, to hire," the exec explained. If I was surprised, it was overshadowed by my joy of reaching my dream.
"Let's just go over a few points before you sign on the dotted line," the company man chortled. "We're going to send you to the world's most renowned medical center. They'll spend two days probing your body orifices, draining and analyzing your blood, and administering psychological exams. If they find any hint of current or future problems, you're fired and can find your own ride home."
"Gee, I think my health is O.K.," I nervously choked out.
The manager went on, "Good, next we'll evaluate your flying skills in an aircraft you've never been in before.
"If we don't like the way you perform, you're fired."
I was confident with my flying, but this guy was making me nervous. He continued, "Next, if you're still here, we'll run you through our training program. If during any time in the next 10 years you decide to leave the company, you'll have to reimbur¬se us $20,000 or we'll sue you. Also if you fail to measure up during training, you're fired."
The man who had just given me my dream job listed still more hurdles. "Each time, before we allow you near one of our multimillion dollar aircraft we'll X-ray your flight bag and luggage, because we don't trust you. Also we'll ask you to pass through a magnetometer each time. If you fail to do so, you'll be arrested and jailed."
"When you've completed your flight, we'll have you provide a urine sample, becau¬se we don't trust you to not take drugs. Very soon, we plan to take a blood sample to look for more drugs.
"Also if you ever fly with another crew member who may have used drugs or alco¬hol, you must report to us immediately. If you fail to notice that anyone has used these substances, you'll be fired, have your license to fly revoked, and be fined $10,000.
"Every six months, we want you to go back to the medical center for another exam. If they ever find a hint of a problem, your license to fly will be revoked and we'll fire you. Anytime you see a medical person, you must tell us about it so we can see if you need to be grounded and terminated. Also, we need to examine your driving record, and you must tell us if you have even any minor infractions so we can remove you from the cockpit as soon as possible.
"At any time, without notice, a special branch of the government will send one of its inspectors to ride in you aircraft. The inspectors will demand to see your papers and license. If your papers are not in order, you'll be removed, fined, terminated, and possibly jailed.
"If at any time you make an error in judgement or an honest human mistake, you will be terminated, be fined tens of thousands of dollars, and be dragged through months of court proceedings. The government will make sure you never fly again for any airline."
Smiling an evil smile now, the airline hirer went on. "Oh, and one last thing to cover. Occasionally, we in management fail to see a trend and screw up royally or the country's economy falls flat on its face. If as a result of one of those events the corporation begins to lose money, you as an employee will be expected to make up the losses from your paycheck."
"Now sign here," he pointed, grinning as he handed me a pen.
I faked a sudden nosebleed. Holding my head back and pinching my nostrils, I hurried from his office. When I got to the hall, I began to run. I ran all the way to my car. I figured if I hurried I could still get to the county vocational school before 5:00 and enroll in the industrial welding career program.




45 Fun Things To Do In A Cockpit.

The wonderful privileges of Jumpseating, who isn't familiar? Flying in the smallest seats for free to any destination. You can visit relatives when on breaks, go fishing in wonderful areas, visit a flight attendant you ran into on your last flight.
But what when your company tells you to jumpseat? Go pick up an airplane there, you are our only healthy pilot to fly that thing . Yes we know it is on the other side of this conti¬nent but we can't afford you a ticket.
It are times like these you are dreading long waiting times, dumb excuses, captains who think they are funny, nothing to eat but peanuts and flights that don't connect.
So here are some solutions to make the flight a little more exciting or, when you're lucky your company may even lose their jumpseat privileges. Good luck and lot's of fun.

1. Make race car noises while you are taxiing
2. Blow your nose and show everybody the contents of your Kleenex.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and yell: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a small world afterall" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies
6. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch! Bad touch!"
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your flightcase and, while peering inside ask;" Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to every flight crew member. wear yours upside down.
10. Stare emotionless at the Circuit breaker panel and not say anything.
11. When parked at the gate pull and yank at the door and act embarrassed when it opens to the outside.
12. Lean over to the FO and whisper; "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone on the flightdeck and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: "Flatulence"!
15. At FL 350 tell them you're getting dizzy and ask if they can open a window.
16. While buckled up, do Thai Chi exercises.
17. Stare and grin at the flight attendants for awhile and then say: "I've got new socks on."
18. While taxiing moan "Oh no, not now, damn motion sickness"
19. Give religious tracts to each crewmember.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the captain you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter: "gotta go ,gotta go!", then sigh and say "oops".
23. Show passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while pushing buttons on the overhead panel.
25. Holler: "Touchdown" when landing.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Body Parts" on the side.
27. Stare at the FE and say: "You're one of them".
28. Burp and say: "mmm, tasty!"
29. Stare at your thumb and say: "I think it's getting larger."

30. Ask the crew if you can push some buttons for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to other people "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the cockpit is silent ask: "Is that the TCAS going off?".
34. Practice your harmonica.
35. Shadow box in the jet way.
36. Say: "Ding" when reaching each assigned flight level.
37. Wear X ray specs and leer suggestive at the flight attendants.
38. Say: " I wonder what this will do" and pull the cabin oxygen emergency switch.
39. Listen to the walls with a stethoscope.
40. Make explosion sounds when somebody pushes a button.
41. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
42. Chew on a bunch of peanuts and ask: " Wanna see wha in my mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings
45. Announce with a demonic voice and rolling eyes: "I must find a more suitable host body".


There were several airplanes “holding short” and waiting for takeoff-clearance. All of them had pulled over into the holding area just short of the taxiway leading to the runway and were just sitting there, side by side, waiting for their clearance.
An Eastern flight taxied into the area and continued slowly past the parked aircraft untill it was blocking all other aircraft. The tower cleared the first aircraft for takeoff, but all they could do was complain, :”we’re blocked and can’t get to the runway”.
The tower then asked, “who can reach the runway for takeoff?”
“Eastern 313 is ready to go!”
After being cleared for takeoff, the Eastern whispered smugly over the radio,”Purdy slick, huh?”
As they started to roll down the runway and got up to about 80 knots, someone keyed a mike and rang the engine fire-warning alarm test.
Eastern immediately aborted the takeoff and reported, “Eastern 313, we’re aborting for an engine fire warning but we didn’t have any fire lights illuminated!”
As they taxied clear of the runway someone added, “Purdy slick, huh?”




Bumper sticker on a car in Florida... Flight Attendants are here to save your ass... not kiss it

How many captains does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one to hold the bulb, then the world revolves around him.

How do you know if there is a captain at a party?
He will tell you.

What is a first officer's chat up line? "That's enough about me, lets talk about flying."

What's the difference between a pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk!

How can you tell you are having dinner at a pilot's house?
He's the one putting the plates on the floor at the end of the meal!

Did you hear the sad story of the pilot who died a few weeks after his retirement?
His wife didn't know he had to be fed every 15 minutes!

Q. What do pilots use for birth control?
A. Their personality.

A stewardess runs into the terminal shouting "quick, there's a pilot laying naked on the tarmac!"
"How do you know that is a pilot?" asked someone.
"Easy," said the stewardess, "big watch, small dick!!"
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 23-08-2007, 21:15   #65
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Op een willekeurig moment tijdens een lange vlucht over de oceaan, terwijl er niks aan de hand is:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please don't panic, we have everything under control..."
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 24-08-2007, 08:20   #66
Surferboy
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Bedoel je deze pirke?
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 24-08-2007, 09:03   #67
777-200
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2006
Locatie: NL
Berichten: 539
Brevet: GPL
Typeratings: -
Uren: 50h glider
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Surferboy Bekijk Bericht
YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Bedoel je deze pirke?
777-200 is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 24-08-2007, 10:00   #68
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
Surferboy: daar had ik hem inderdaad vandaan ja! Geweldig
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 24-08-2007, 13:27   #69
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Een long-haul Piloot gaat na elke vlucht even kort naar de walletjes. Traditie. Maar deze keer heeft hij een probleem. Al zijn contanten zijn op. Op een briefje van twintig en vijf euro na. De nood is hoog dus hij gaat toch maar naar zijn vaste adres.
De gastvrouwe verwelkomt hem en vraagt of hij het gebruikelijke wil. Tsja zegt hij, een probleempje. Even geen cash, wat heb je voor een paar euro?

De gastvrouwe kijkt bedenkelijk en denkt even na. Ik heb wel wat voor je. Twinitg euro, eerste verdieping, tweede deur linkerkant. Opgetogen gaat hij naar boven. Staat er een struisvogel in de kamer. Hij krabt zich achter de oren en wil omkeren maar de lange nek van de struisvogel is al om hem heengedraaid en hij denkt, ach je moet alles eens in je leven proberen.

Na een half uur is hij zelfs buitengewoon tevreden en gaat naar beneden in een roes. Aan de bar vraagt hij of ze niet nog iets hebben voor vijf euro, hij is nu wel zo in de stemming. Ja hoor, zegt de bardame en neemt zijn vijf euro. Tweede verdieping, tweede deur links.

Hij holt naar boven en doet de deur open. Staat er een groepje mannen in een cirkel in de midden van de kamer. Allemaal met het hoofd naar beneden, sommige met een videocamera.

Hij wurmt zich langs twee mannen en ziet een gat in de vloer. Nu kijkt hij ook naar een vent die zich te buiten gaat aan een grote hitsig bavianenvrouwtje. Gedverderrie zegt ie.

Gedverderrie? zegt één van de mannen in het kringetje, je had hier net moeten zijn, was er één met een struisvogel bezig.........
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 24-08-2007, 18:43   #70
Koning Lucht
Geitenhoeder
 
 
Koning Lucht's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Oct 2001
Locatie: Kat-ar
Berichten: 2.280
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: B757/767, A330
Uren: 7500 +
YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Hierboven een stukje fantastische Britse humor, uit Blackadder.

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?...arch&plindex=0

Goed stukje Hans Teeuwen
Koning Lucht is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 25-08-2007, 18:48   #71
FlyHigh
heeft nog geen status
 
 
FlyHigh's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Feb 2003
Locatie: DCA - Ronald Reagan Int'l
Berichten: 640
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: E170/E190, E145, HS125, C650, C550
Uren: zucht...
Stuur een bericht via AIM naar FlyHigh Stuur een bericht via MSN naar FlyHigh Send a message via Skype™ to FlyHigh
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Q-nimbus Bekijk Bericht
@Pirke:

YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


@Great Balls of Fire: Wat is er mis met darmtoerisme?
In m'n poep, hahah geweldig.
FlyHigh is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 25-08-2007, 19:20   #72
WvdB
heeft nog geen status
 
 
WvdB's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: buiten bereik
Berichten: 550
Brevet: .
Typeratings: .
Uren: 2x de helft
HAHAHAHAHA Dit is werkelijk niet te geloven zeg, schaamteloos . Vooral die reactie van de echtgenoot Ach wat zeg je nu allemaal? Géweldig

Winds,

WvdB
WvdB is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 25-08-2007, 23:02   #73
Q-nimbus
Cb's koppen
 
 
Q-nimbus's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2006
Locatie: Germania Inferior
Berichten: 1.740
Brevet: ATPL
Typeratings: Ja
Uren: Ook
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door FlyHigh Bekijk Bericht
In m'n poep, hahah geweldig.
Ik wou dat mijn vriendinnetjes wat vaker zo'n antwoord zouden kunnen geven...
Q-nimbus is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 26-08-2007, 12:04   #74
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Be careful what you wish for......

John walks in the bar with a big shopping bag. Sits down next to another customer and orders a drink. His shopping bag makes a rustling sound. The other man looks down and asks the man if there is an animal in his bag.

No no, I'll show you. He reaches down and grabs inside. Out comes a small piano, about big enough to fit a barbie doll, with a small stool. Highly detailed. Wow says the other guy.

That's not all, John replies and dives in again and takes out what looks to be a small doll. But it actually is a little piano player, dressed in tuxedo. He puts the small guy on the bar, sits down and starts to play on the piano.

Beautifull piano music sounds through the bar. Amazing wow says the surprised man. How and where in the world did you get this.


Aaaah, don't really want to tell, embarrising story. So the other guy buys John some drinks and finally he tells the story about the little piano man.

Well, I was on holiday in Egypt and bought this oil lamp at a souvenir stand. But an actual genie cam out of the lamp this time. I didn't get the usual three wishes, only one.

And how in the world did you come up with the idea to ask for the little man here? demands to know the guy buying him all the drinks.

Well, actually, John said, it turned out to be an old genie and he was a bit hard of hearing. Do you really think I wished for a twelf inch pianist?
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 26-08-2007, 23:54   #75
a$x
Gast
heeft nog geen status
 
 
Berichten: n/a
Ik heb vanochtend in de kroeg nog een heel slechte mop opgepikt:

Er zitten een amerikaan, een duitser en een chinees op een onbewoond eiland he. De amerikaan neemt de leiding en zegt tegen de duitser: you should go find a place to sleep, than I will find some water. Tegen de chinees zegt hij: you should search for some supplies.
Na een tijdje komt de duitser terug op de plek waar ze waren en dan komt ook de duitser. Allebei gevonden wat ze zochten. Alleen de chinees is er nog niet. Dus de duitser en de amerikaan zoeken voor de chinees in de bossen maar ze vinden hem niet. Na een uurtje zoeken besluiten ze terug te gaan naar de plek waar ze waren.
Als ze op de plek aangekomen zijn komt de chinees uit een boom gesprongen: SUPLISE

Slecht he ach ik moest er best om lachen
  Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 27-08-2007, 10:09   #76
Putty
Proceeding at own discretion
 
 
Putty's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: RTM 175rad 25,6nm
Berichten: 662
Brevet: cpl
Typeratings: SEP+C208(B)
Uren: 700links350rechts300achterin
Blondie belt een Luchtvaartmaatschappij met de vraag "Hoe lang duurt de vlucht van Amsterdam naar New York?". De behulpzame telefoniste zegt "Een momentje". "Dankjewel" antwoordt Blondie, en hangt op.
Putty is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 27-08-2007, 12:17   #77
Pirke
PPL
 
 
Pirke's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Jun 2007
Locatie: Nederland
Berichten: 471
Brevet: PPL
Typeratings: SEP (A)
Uren: Who cares? Flying is fun!
@Putty, ik ken er ook nog een met een momentje


Een man belt God op met de vraag: "God, hoe lang is de eeuwigheid voor u?"
"Ach", zegt God, "een momentje"
De man gaat door: "God, hoeveel is een miljard euro voor u?"
"Ach", zegt God, "een aalmoes"
De man denkt even na en vraagt: "God, kunt u mij een aalmoes geven?"
"Prima", zegt God, "heb je een momentje?"
Pirke is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 27-08-2007, 13:14   #78
Putty
Proceeding at own discretion
 
 
Putty's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: May 2007
Locatie: RTM 175rad 25,6nm
Berichten: 662
Brevet: cpl
Typeratings: SEP+C208(B)
Uren: 700links350rechts300achterin
Bush krijgt bezoek van Deng Xioa Ping. Uiteraard brengt hij de politieke situatie in China aan de orde en vraagt "Mr. Ping, when do you have elections". Deng, zonder blikken of blozen "Evely molning".
Putty is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 27-08-2007, 21:32   #79
capt. Kebab
is overrated
 
 
capt. Kebab's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Mar 2001
Locatie: Een LUXe positie
Berichten: 3.120
Brevet: Ontdooid ATPL
Typeratings: Fk50
Uren: 11.500
Zit een belg op de grond.

Valt 'ie er vanaf.
capt. Kebab is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Oud 02-09-2007, 09:29   #80
gliderpilot
heeft nog geen status
 
 
gliderpilot's Avatar
 
Airworker sinds: Nov 2001
Locatie: Thuis
Berichten: 192
Brevet: GPL+ATPL
Typeratings: Den Hollansche Maekelij 50/70/100
Uren: oplopend
Citaat:
Origineel gepost door Great Balls of Fire Bekijk Bericht


If You need one of These? You are NOT a real pilot!
Zo beter?

gliderpilot is offline   Met citaat antwoorden
Antwoord

Onderwerpopties
Weergavemodus

Plaatsingsregels
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is Aan
Smilies zijn Aan
[IMG] code is Aan
HTML code is Uit

Forumnavigatie


Alle tijden zijn UTC +2. De tijd is nu 19:00.


Forum software: vBulletin, versie 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Integrated by BBpixel Team 2018 :: jvbPlugin R1012.365.1